It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
