i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
