Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
