My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
