Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
