i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We smell like vodka and hangover
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