she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
