I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
