Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
