Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
