true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
