My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
