yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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