who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
