would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
