I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
