I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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