i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
