I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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