i permit you to call me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
