I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
