We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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