Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
