dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
