I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
