There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
