is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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