I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
