Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize