worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
