HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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