operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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