My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
