playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
