I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
