So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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