But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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