I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
