Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
