It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
