That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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