True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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