yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
