Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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