Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
