I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
