I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
