I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this boner is exhausting
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
