i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
