dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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