Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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