Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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