Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
