i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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