I'm drive I can fine osifer
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
