if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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