i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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