nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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