note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am one with the molecules
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
