forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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