i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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