Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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