someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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