i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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