i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
