Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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