I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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