It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
